Sing us a song...

EIGHTEEN.

#18: Fiction v. Non-fiction

Last night I watched A Walk to Remember with one of my best friends. She pointed out something we both love about that movie: the love between Landon and Jamie is so real and sweet and true. A lot of times we watch movies like this that have those kind of relationships and we think “if only I could have a relationship like that”, “if only there was a guy like that out there for me”, “why aren’t there guys like that anymore?”. Thing is, there are. We just get tired of looking because they’re covered up by all the scum. But wouldn’t something worth having be something worth looking for?

A lot of times we get discouraged by these movies because we think we’ll never have a relationship like that. But that’s how a guy should treat you, and that’s how a relationship should be. Not all movies portray this… you don’t want a guy who sneaks into your room to watch you sleep. Sorry, Edward. But the movies that have that love where you just cry because you want that for yourself… that’s the kind of love you should be looking for and waiting for. Because it’s the kind of love you deserve and should have. Maybe it takes a little longer to get here than you hoped it would, and maybe it comes from an unexpected person and place. But the truth of the matter is that the sweet, true movie loves we often watch and wish to have are attainable.

It’s wrong of us to limit ourselves thinking it’s only fiction. Art imitates life. They wouldn’t represent relationships like that in the movies if they never happened. Don’t settle for a relationship you’ve expected to be your reality when you’re secretly desiring the one you believe to be nothing more than fiction; fantasy can become a reality.

seventeen again.

not again though.
the first time!  

#17:  ”You’ll just know”.

Some of the most frustrating three words (technically four, “you will”) known to life itself. Whatever situation it’s applied to, your job or where you want to live or who you’ll marry… people think they’re giving you the best advice they can give when they say “you’ll just know”. All this does is make you question everything! You think “I feel good about this, so is that the same feeling? Or is there something better that is the real feeling?” Especially for girls, already over-thinking everything, it’s just a catastrophe waiting to happen sometimes! 

However.

My mom once described it to me in a way she hadn’t before that made more sense. “It’s like when you get up in the morning and know who Jesus is and that He’s real. There’s not a question about it, it’s a fact.” And that is very true. You have some relationships where you question whether there’s anyone else out there for you but that person. And then you have that one relationship where you know that it’s that person you’ve been waiting for and it’s settled in your heart that there’s no one else out there; you know that this person was made just with you in mind. You do wake up in the morning and live throughout the day with a comfort of knowing what God has for you in your future, even if you don’t understand how it’ll work out just yet. 

Yeah there are days where you have a doubt or fear. But throughout it all, you still have little reminders of why it’s that person for you, whether pre-dating, while dating, or into marriage. There still isn’t anyone else you’d rather be with through all the ups and downs. You see the person in your future, and you’re not scared of that but excited for what’s to come. There’s comfort rather than confusion. Questions are answered rather than formed; there are periods rather than question marks. And that’s what comes in any situation where you’re in the right place, doing the right thing and with the right person/people… peace. 

So a frustrating piece of advice suddenly becomes simple and profound when you feel the comfort and peace that accompanies it. And when you feel that… it’s when you “just know”.

thoughts + sweet 16

First I have a few things going on in my head.

Every time I find something I like and decide to make it my future career, I end up hating it. I just don’t want my job to be serious. And I know there are fun jobs out there. 

I decided that even if I got a job in the music industry in Nashville, I wouldn’t be happy. I wouldn’t be content being tied down to a job and place that I’d be wanting to get away from in a profession that constantly has someone else who wants the job and is probably more qualified than me anyways. 

I interviewed for an internship with a music company about a month ago. IBMA, to be exact. THE Bluegrass organization. I was ecstatic at first, but now I’m apathetic. Last time I felt that way, last year when I was supposed to go to Italy but didn’t, something WAY more amazing happened instead. 

So as of now, I’m trying to find where God wants me to go in a year. Like, to move away from here. All I do is get restless and want to be somewhere else other than Tennessee, all the time. So I’m gonna be praying and saving and traveling to see just where He wants me. A job can come after that. I’d be happy working in a coffee shop or bakery and doing music lessons and performing on the side. Because I’ve also decided that just because music is my ministry doesn’t mean it has to be my job.

Okay. Enough about that.

Sweet 16!

No matter what your age or relationship status, start praying now!

I was in the bookstore today flipping through a book I’ve looked through several times before called Captivating. It seems like an interesting book that’s worth the time to read; hopefully I’ll do just that one day. Anyway, that book and similar books I looked through talked about praying for your future spouse. So many times we pray for them to get here and STAT! Or pray that things work out between us and another person. And pray that God shows us the right person for us. But do we pray for the guy or girl? Maybe, before we’ve met them, we feel the need to pray that they’re strengthening their walk with God wherever they are and they’re keeping their eyes on Him. Or pray for their safety. Maybe we can pray that they become the husband/wife that we’re going to need. And pray that we can be the same to them. 

Becoming the perfect husband/wife for someone doesn’t happen over night. It’s not a role you try to learn when things are looking serious and you get engaged. That role is something that you’re always becoming, even before you’ve met your future spouse. Praying for anyone is an act of love and care for them. Even if you haven’t met the person you’ll marry yet, you already know you’ll love him/her when you do. It’s good practice to start praying for that person now. And then you’ll just continue those prayers, in a deeper and more personal way, for him/her as you meet the person and grow closer together.

15.

don’t set a time frame; don’t plan ahead.

I don’t know where it began and what has made us think this way, but somewhere society has started telling girls that they need to be dating, engaged and married by a certain age. Teenagers date as if it’s their job, and therefore it’s expected by the time you enter your twenties that you know who it is you’re going to eventually marry and that your relationship hits that point as soon as it can. 

When I was sixteen and looked ahead into my life, I figured I’d be dating someone seriously by the time I was 21 and that I’d get married shortly after I graduated college. That’s just how I pictured it happening. And I still hear that in younger girls today; they plan to get married around the age I am now. But the reality of it is… I don’t see myself anywhere near marriage in the near future. Is that by my choice? Probably not. But then again I don’t know why I even have that desire to get married in the next year or two. What’s the rush? Society really puts that pressure on girls and we have to go through a lot mentally and emotionally to get past that pressure and think of what God wants and what is best for us in the long run.

That’s why marriages today are failing… because the two people need to know who they are and what God wants for them before getting married. Marriage is glamorized and it makes people think they’re ready for it when they’re not. Your relationship can be wonderful, but if you don’t know who YOU are, both people equally, then what good will it do? And if you’re both not at steady, reliable times in your life, what chance will a new marriage have?

When you plan ahead for your future, you’ll most likely get your hopes up because it won’t go the way you want it to. Do yourself a huge favor and don’t plan. Don’t say everything is cool as long as I’m with this person by this age and date. You’ll get to that age and date and will wonder what went wrong. And you’ll possibly settle just to be in any relationship by then. The Bible doesn’t say to wait on the situation to work itself out. It says to wait on the Lord. That keeps your eyes focused on Him and then whatever happens, you know it came out of His hand at the perfect time just for you. 

14, right?

yeah i think so.

Realization #14:

face the music… if it’s no, let it go.

when we start liking someone, and eventually investing our emotions and time into them, we (or at least girls) start looking ahead with that person in mind. that person and that relationship mean a lot to us. we begin to think that it’s who we’ve always wanted to be with and that there’s no one else for you but that person. but if that comes crashing down, we are incredibly hurt. often the crashing process is a gradual one, but we don’t realize it or we don’t want to realize it, rather. so many times there are red flags that we don’t want to see; we pretend like they’re not there or they’re not a big deal. but those red flags are trying to show us something. sometimes the answer to the questions we still find ourselves asking is that the person we thought was meant for us really isn’t. 

and what do we do? we keep trying to make it work and push them into the part of our mind that can only comprehend being with that person. but what good does it do? we just end up hurting ourselves in the long run and extending a problem. 

thing is, accepting the “no” for one person will keep our minds open and our hearts available for the “yes” that we’re supposed to have… and that person, guaranteed, will make you realize why there had to be a “no”, or multiple ‘no’s”, before. and that relationship will show you what a “yes” really should feel like. and all of a sudden, you’ll wonder why you ever thought that other person was the only one for you. cause you’ll realize you were just limiting yourself, and God, the whole time.

13.

Realization #13:

step outside your box.

Many of us, at least girls, grow up with our futures planned out. Yeah the details will change, but only when we want them to or when it’s out of our control. Along with this plan we picture the attributes of our ‘perfect guy’. As years go on, we begin to wonder if he’s even out there because no one is fitting what we had in mind. There was that one guy who almost did, but he really was too into punk music for my taste. And then that other guy was close, but he just doesn’t dress that nicely every day. If you’re waiting around for your idea of the perfect companion, you’ll be disappointed.

HOWEVER. That is no reason whatsoever to settle. And I’m definitely not advocating that a bit. But… find God’s definition of the perfect person for you. Although it won’t necessarily match up with your criteria across the board, I assure you there won’t be any disappointment. And it’ll match up with the things that are most important to us! I mean God made us, and He knows the person He made for everyone… and those two people will compliment each other like clockwork!

So it’s important that we let go of our own thoughts and wants and desires when it comes to finding the right person… cause that person could be right by us but we’re not looking for the right things. And perhaps we’re shutting them out because there’s a trivial thing or two we’re being stubborn about. God knows the desires of our hearts better than we do ourselves. He’ll fulfill them in a way our mind can’t imagine or plan.

12.

this is a harder one, because it’s not always in our control…

#12: It’s all in the timing.

Recently I was talking with one of my good friends about relationships. It’s frustrating when everything feels like it was falling into place but then for some reason or another it gets put on hold and you start questioning when that will pick back up again, if ever. If you met my friend right now, she would seem like she’s got it made…. a couple of months ago she started dating the guy she’s wanted to be with and this past week he moved across the country to be with her. But! She’s known him for 4 years and has waited most of that time to be with him. I was there before they started dating when she was tired of waiting and annoyed by certain things that weren’t working out… and then all of a sudden everything clicked and fell into place. Everything she waited years for has happened within a few months. 

Yes it can be a frustrating process. Believe. Me. But when it’s God’s will, and He knows best, you’ll know because it will fall into place. And if it hasn’t done that yet then it just isn’t supposed to happen yet… but you always know when God’s hand is in something because it usually changes in an instant! Timing is irritating but it’s always worth it in the end. 

aaaaand

make the most of the time you’re given.

you’re timing could change sooner than you think it will. While you’re waiting, use that time wisely… continue getting closer to God, better yourself and do the things you want to do! It’ll make the time go by faster too :)

11:11.

make a wish.

ok, now really… #11 (part a)

they’re still perfect in their flaws.

think about it. when your mom or dad does something dumb or annoying or whatever… you think “oh, that’s just mom/dad”. yeah they’re not always cool but that’s part of their personality. yeah they make mistakes and can slip for a moment and say something dumb, but they’re human. why is it we become so meticulous when we find someone to be in a relationship with that they barely have a chance? we look at them with a magnifying glass trying to find something wrong and once we do, we write them off. loving someone unconditionally is just that… no conditions. it’s without question that we love our blood family, and it should be that way when we fall in love with someone else too. they’re gonna have moments where they say or do something dumb, and sure there may be something inside saying “nope” once that happens, but when you really love someone those moments don’t change your love for them. and that’s a mutual thing. because i’m sure those moments happen for the other person too.

#11 (part b)

don’t be afraid to tell them how you really feel.

this goes for all relationships, but it’s really good for dating and beyond… when you get annoyed by something (a conversation, the way they’re responding, an action) just say it. not in a mean way, but just to let them be aware. we seem to think people can read our minds! i told a close friend recently that I was getting annoyed that day and they admitted that they got a little annoyed in the conversation we were having but that they still love me. chances are if you’re getting annoyed with them, they’re getting annoyed with you too. but that’s alright, just know how to handle it and not let it affect your love for each other and it’ll all be good :)

TEN.

this is gonna be random with little things in it that are important because I’ve realized a lot of little things lately.

one being…

in order to know who you can be yourself with, you have to know who that is first.

you always hear people say “I can be myself when I’m with him/her”. But how do you know who that person (meaning you) is? This is probably a good reason why people doubt young love and say to wait when people want to get married young. Face it, you change. Even if the core of who you are doesn’t change, your ideals and your goals change. Where you want to be in five years changes all the time when you’re between the age of 18-22. So when you’re with someone and you feel like yourself, make sure it’s really yourself and not just the person you’ve become over the past few months by hanging out with them. If your constants aren’t the same, then you’re not really yourself.

Love and selfishness are like oil and water. They don’t mix.

If you’re thinking about yourself, then you’re not thinking about others. That’s really simple. Love is something you give and share. If you’re thinking about what you’re getting back, then you’re not loving to your greatest potential.

Love should be appreciated. If not, keep your distance.

When you really love someone, you want to do things for them. Not always big, but the little things every day, every chance you get. They should realize these things and appreciate you for them. If they don’t now, will they ever? You need to love everyone, but if someone isn’t matching what you give of yourself and appreciating what you give, then it’s not safe to get attached. I’ve learned from experience that it only hurts you…. one day you’ll realize they’re not going to love you the way you love them. That hurts less when you’re honest with yourself from the start rather than when you’ve gotten in too deep.

Numba noine.

Realization #9:

Bad days aren’t the end of the world. Don’t fear them.

We all have bad days. That’s just a fact of life. Not everyone can be sunshine and rainbows every part of every day. And it freaks us out when someone we’re close to is in a bad mood, or when we’re in a funk but we can’t bring ourselves out of it; especially if it affects our most important relationships. Rather than being scared of these days, embrace them as a test to see where it brings a relationship. Maybe it’ll tear you apart continually when you keep having bad days. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, because someone who can’t be there through thick and thin isn’t worth anymore of your time. But… bad days can also strengthen a relationship. It can prove that the other person does in fact have the patience to let you get it out of your system and then move on from it, or that you know how to react to their moody days without making it worse. And on the really bad days, they’ll just forget it happened and start new the next morning without bringing it up again. 

Bad days shouldn’t be a habit or a cycle. Without a doubt, the good days should far outweigh the bad. But when those little bumps in the road, or big ones, come up…. you get through it together and keep going rather than letting that slow you down. It tests both people’s character and commitment to the relationship, and it can let the abundance of the heart really be shown.

The right relationship will consist of an equal understanding… and just when you feel you’re at your worst, they’ll still see the best in you and will bring that out of you until your worst is put to rest.